Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you didnt know i had herpes?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
