she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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