he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
