go do what you do best...puke behind churches
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
