Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
