You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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