i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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