so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
