i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
