He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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