i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
