I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
