last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
