My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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