it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
He has the fingertips of a God
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
