your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
It's not a walk of shame if you run
God, I missed his penis.
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