why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
