Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
