I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
