Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We don't watch enough power rangers
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
