I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
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