Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
