I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
