I want to stick my p in your. b.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
