I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
