I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
