im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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