Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
