Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just invented taco cereal.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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