as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So much Jack, so little girl.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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