K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize