david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
