Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
