Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
