AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
