yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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