I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
