I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
