new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
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