Michael Bay diarrhea
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
