We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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