And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
