she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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