My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
