Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
