There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize