Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
