I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
