that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
