I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
