I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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