I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
