I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My Sexting was not on an AP level
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
