Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
