before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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