i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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