My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
