is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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