I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
