dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
