There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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