My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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