I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
