i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
