she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
