I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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