so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
