I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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