new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
