You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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