The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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