So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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